STOP asking for referrals! Yes, you read that right.  If you want to get referrals.  If you want to get really good referrals then STOP asking for them right now.

Before You Call Me Crazy Hear Me Out!

I know this completely contradicts what every “sales trainer”, sales manager, or sales mentor has probably EVER told you.  I know sales reps you get verbally flogged on a regular basis because they don’t ask, or ask for enough referrals.  So why on earth would I suggest you stop asking for referrals?

Before I get into that there’s something I want you to understand about asking for referrals.  There are two types of sales referrals:

1. Referrals to people who could potentially buy your stuff aka prospects
2. Referrals to people who are already interested in buying your stuff aka highly qualified sales leads

When you ask for referrals the way you do now you think you are asking for highly qualified sales leads, BUT the reality is you aren’t even asking for prospects because of the way you are told to approach it.

When you ask for referrals the way an ordinary sales person asks for referrals you manage to accomplish 3 very negative things in one fell swoop.

1. You trigger the defenses of the people you ask to refer you
2. You damage your relationship with that person because they feel like you are imposing upon the relationship
3. You meet with people who are defensive about meeting with you rather than real prospects or leads

It’s funny how contradictory statements get your attention and often prove to be more true than commonly held beliefs.  Copywriter Ray Edwards reminded me of this fact when he told a story about how a 78 year old lady stopped a bank robber in his tracks.  You wouldn’t think that could happen yet it did.

Just like you wouldn’t think you would get referrals if you just stopped asking for them.  Yet you will.

One of my clients is a Financial Advisor.  He exemplifies the power of getting referrals without asking for them.  Or… at least not asking for them in the conventional manner.  And that’s what I’m really talking about… getting what you want in a way that works for everyone involved so no one has to feel awkward or offended.

So, rather than asking for referrals, my client the Financial Advisor asks for something a little unexpected.  It doesn’t matter if he asks a client or someone he just met… people comply because he isn’t asking them to do something they don’t want to do.  Before he asks he gets to know the other person through just plain old ordinary conversation.

People Reveal Their Connections to People in Ordinary Conversation

As you’ve probably noticed when you talk to people they naturally talk about what they do and who they know.  At some point in the conversation when they mention someone they know that the Financial Advisor doesn’t he simply asks his big referral generating question…

“Could you introduce me to….”

In the conversation the other person might mention another business owner they know.  He would then say something like, “I’ve heard Bob Smiths name a couple times now, but I’ve never met him.  Could you introduce me to Bob?”

Why is this smart?  Well, it sets him up for 3 positive things:

1. It doesn’t trigger the defenses of the other person, in fact, they feel good about helping you meet someone they know.  An introduction isn’t threatening.
2. Rather than damaging the relationship it strengthens your relationship with the person making the introduction.  He will then arrange for himself, the person making the introduction, and the person getting introduced to meet in a relaxed environment where they can simply get to know each other.
3. The introduction presents an opportunity to make a connection.  That connection triggers the opportunity to develop a relationship with the person introduced.  Plus relationships make it so much easier for you to transform strangers into buyers.

He’s not asking for a sales lead, something NO ONE wants to give you.  He’s not explicitly asking for a prospect, yet, that’s exactly what he’s getting.  He’s just asking you to help him meet someone he doesn’t know.

To give you an idea how this escalates let me explain what he does after the introduction.  Through a normal conversation he learns about the person he’s meeting and finds out who they would like to meet.  He does this as he also finds out who else they know.  Then, he first offers to introduce the person he’s just met to someone they would like to meet.  Finally, he asks for an introduction to someone they know that he doesn’t.  They’ve just had a positive experience with him demonstrating there’s nothing to risk in introducing him to someone they know.  Plus he’s just offered to do something nice for them and most people will want to reciprocate.  Many offer to introduce him to someone before he even has to ask.

Once he makes a connection he diligently works to extend those relationships expanding his network and moving his new connections one step at a time to clients.

Coach Cheryl

Do it Yourself

Do it with a Little Help

Do it with Guidance

photo credit: Aidan Jones

This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 14th, 2009 at 6:00 am and is filed under sales marketing coaching. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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